haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
