Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
