I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
