fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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