I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
