Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize