There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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