I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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