I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
