Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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