I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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