You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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