it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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