Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
