I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
