can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
