i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
