Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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