I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
