I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
