Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
