What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
