I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
