my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
