4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
