Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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