I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
