I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize