There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
They have beer where we have blood.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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