well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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