well most of my day revolves around power hour
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
