a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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