So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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