Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize