Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
