Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
