if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
