I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize