if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
