She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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