My underwear smells like fireworks.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
