just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize