Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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