Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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