The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My pussy is not your playground.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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