If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
