I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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