Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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