I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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