do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
