There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize