sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
