I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize