hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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