so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
