so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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