I want to make a zoo with you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
