do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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