You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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