Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
