Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
