Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
