East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
