Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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