Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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