grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
