I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
