Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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