Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
