I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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