we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
