Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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